A Little Advice To My NBSB Self

Do you have an embarrassing story re: your quest on finding love? I do. And if you’ve read Liz Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love, you’ll have an idea what I’m talking about. I don’t remember the day, but I do know it was late at night and everyone at home was already asleep. Except for me. I was kneeling on the floor, quietly weeping, desperately asking God to give me the man of my dreams. I was 19. And borderline crazy.

I guess you could say my prayer was answered because a year later I started dating this guy I met at work, who wore glasses and looked a bit like Daniel Radcliffe. Nope, I wasn’t a fan of Harry Potter. But he reminded me of John Green, so that was a plus. Being in a relationship gave me a whole new perspective of life. I have discovered so much about myself. I don’t wanna sound like a know-it-all, but I do feel like I am so much smarter than my old self. And if I had known what I know now, these are the things I would have done:

PRIORITIZE. I wasted a lot of time texting guys who were never serious. I honestly did not care because it offered me a short-term relief from peer pressure. I was in college when my need for intimacy was at its peak. Thankfully, I never flunked any of my classes, but I know I could have done better. If I could travel back in time, I would make school my top priority and forget about that guy who only messaged me when he was bored. Because he’s just not worth it.

DISCOVER. During my NBSB days, I was extremely picky. I would never date unless he was tall, dark, and fluent. As if I was too pretty that guys were actually lining up for me. I had an imaginary list of qualities I would look for in a guy and it went on and on and on. It’s not wrong to have a checklist but don’t limit yourself when you have so many opportunities. Mr. Shorty might have superb qualities that could outshine his height—who knows? I never knew I wanted to be in a long term relationship, or be with someone as affectionate as my boyfriend. Being in a relationship has allowed me to discover more about myself and my partner and this has revealed a more vivid picture of what I really want.

BE TRUE. This is probably the biggest favour I’ve done for myself. I’ve always fought for social acceptance, never realizing that the only person I need to impress is myself. The rest, they just need to accept who I am and deal with it. Don’t listen to Thought Catalog and their never-ending guides and how-to’s.

SMILE. There’s definitely no reason to weep like Liz Gilbert. It’s not the end of the world so don’t act as if it was. I used to be that girl who posted suggestive tweets like I was anyone’s girlfriend and wrote stories that made me look like a victim. Timehop constantly reminds me how unhappy I was before and it’s such a shame. I could have poured all those effort and dedicated all those time to more meaningful pursuits.

But it’s all okay. Experience has taught me a lot of things and made me a better person. I guess I’m just gonna save these for my future daughter. Because there’s no way I would let her get to a really low point and weep like I did.

5 Comments

  1. I’m an NBSB, so thanks for these pieces of advice. Will keep this in mind and heart. This time, I vow not to sound and act like a desperada who wants to have a boyfriend just because she’s being left behind by society. Ugh, blame the culture it dictates! I can wait for that man, but whether he comes or not, it’s okay. No bitterness; just pure acceptance. 🙂
    Bianca Trovela recently posted…Achieve #SquadGoals at Caliraya Resort Club in Lumban, Laguna

  2. I could totally relate with wasting time with guys who don’t really care about you, but I would add that I became such a bitch to a guy that did… you know, care about me. It’s a good thing I realized that early on and actually managed to get that amazing guy back, and we’ve been together ever since. Women have this fantasy of love starting out with fireworks but sometimes, it starts with a slow burn and just builds over time. 🙂

    1. Aww cute story. 😉 I agree and I believe the experience is different for every couple, which makes all relationships unique in their own ways. 🙂

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