Do you have an embarrassing story re: your quest on finding love? I do. And if you’ve read Liz Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love, you’ll have an idea what I’m talking about. I don’t remember the day, but I do know it was late at night and everyone at home was already asleep. Except for me. I was kneeling on the floor, quietly weeping, desperately asking God to give me the man of my dreams. I was 19. And borderline crazy.
I guess you could say my prayer was answered because a year later I started dating this guy I met at work, who wore glasses and looked a bit like Daniel Radcliffe. Nope, I wasn’t a fan of Harry Potter. But he reminded me of John Green, so that was a plus. Being in a relationship gave me a whole new perspective of life. I have discovered so much about myself. I don’t wanna sound like a know-it-all, but I do feel like I am so much smarter than my old self. And if I had known what I know now, these are the things I would have done:
PRIORITIZE. I wasted a lot of time texting guys who were never serious. I honestly did not care because it offered me a short-term relief from peer pressure. I was in college when my need for intimacy was at its peak. Thankfully, I never flunked any of my classes, but I know I could have done better. If I could travel back in time, I would make school my top priority and forget about that guy who only messaged me when he was bored. Because he’s just not worth it.
DISCOVER. During my NBSB days, I was extremely picky. I would never date unless he was tall, dark, and fluent. As if I was too pretty that guys were actually lining up for me. I had an imaginary list of qualities I would look for in a guy and it went on and on and on. It’s not wrong to have a checklist but don’t limit yourself when you have so many opportunities. Mr. Shorty might have superb qualities that could outshine his height—who knows? I never knew I wanted to be in a long term relationship, or be with someone as affectionate as my boyfriend. Being in a relationship has allowed me to discover more about myself and my partner and this has revealed a more vivid picture of what I really want.
BE TRUE. This is probably the biggest favour I’ve done for myself. I’ve always fought for social acceptance, never realizing that the only person I need to impress is myself. The rest, they just need to accept who I am and deal with it. Don’t listen to Thought Catalog and their never-ending guides and how-to’s.
SMILE. There’s definitely no reason to weep like Liz Gilbert. It’s not the end of the world so don’t act as if it was. I used to be that girl who posted suggestive tweets like I was anyone’s girlfriend and wrote stories that made me look like a victim. Timehop constantly reminds me how unhappy I was before and it’s such a shame. I could have poured all those effort and dedicated all those time to more meaningful pursuits.
But it’s all okay. Experience has taught me a lot of things and made me a better person. I guess I’m just gonna save these for my future daughter. Because there’s no way I would let her get to a really low point and weep like I did.